Marriage: Is It Ok To Go To Bed Angry With My Spouse?

Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it is not without its challenges. Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable, and sometimes, couples find themselves deep in conflict long after they should have been sound asleep. They wrestle with the idea of going to bed angry or continuing to work on a solution well into the early morning. Many believe that going to bed angry should never be an option.

However, contrary to popular belief, going to bed angry may not always be a bad thing. In this blog post, we will explore the wisdom behind Ephesians 4:25-26 and discuss how it can positively impact your marriage.

Understanding Ephesians 4:25-26:

Let's start by examining the biblical passage from Ephesians 4:25-26: "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."

1. Honesty and Authenticity:

The first part of this passage encourages us to speak truthfully to our spouse. Honesty and authenticity are crucial in any relationship, including marriage. By being honest about our emotions, even when we are angry, we create an environment of trust and openness. This allows both partners to express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or rejection.

2. Controlling Anger:

The second part of the passage advises us not to let the sun go down while we are still angry. While this may seem like a call to resolve conflicts immediately, it can also be interpreted as a reminder to not let anger fester and become destructive. Sometimes, going to bed angry can provide a cooling-off period, allowing both partners to gain perspective and approach the issue with a calmer mindset the next day.

Is there a way to go to bed in a positive mindset without coming to a conclusion on the problem at hand?

Benefits of "Tabling" the Argument:

Contrary to the popular notion that all conflicts must be resolved before bedtime, there are several potential benefits to going to bed angry in certain situations:

1. Avoiding Hurtful Words:

In the heat of an argument, we may say things we don't mean, causing more harm than good. "Tabling" can prevent the escalation of a disagreement and protect both partners from uttering hurtful words they may regret later.

2. Emotional Regrouping:

Sleep has a remarkable way of rejuvenating our minds and bodies. By allowing ourselves to rest and recharge, we can wake up with a fresh perspective, renewed energy, and a greater ability to approach the issue constructively as a team.

3. Time for Reflection:

Tabling the issue can provide an opportunity for reflection and introspection. Each partner can take the time to think through their own emotions, identify their triggers, and consider potential solutions. This self-reflection can lead to more productive conversations the following day.

How Does Tabling Work?

When you and your partner are struggling to communicate well, and there is not a clear solution in sight, but the clock is ticking later and later, one of you can choose to say the word "table." This tells your spouse that you are feeling overly tired and your emotions are peaking.

Tabling then allows you the space to choose a time the following day that you will resume your conversation. When both spouses know that their feelings and concerns will not be ignored, you can resume your normal bedtime routine and go to sleep knowing that you are still a team, you still love one another, and this conflict will be resolved.

While it is essential to address conflicts in marriage, going to bed angry should not always be viewed as a negative thing. Ephesians 4:25-26 reminds us of the importance of honesty and controlling our anger. Sometimes, taking a break and allowing time for emotional restoration and reflection can lead to healthier resolutions in the long run. However, it is crucial to find a balance and not use going to bed angry as an excuse to avoid resolving issues altogether. Seek to understand each other, communicate openly, and walk hand in hand towards a stronger and more fulfilling marriage.