Speaking Up in Marriage: Why Biblical Communication Matters

Let’s talk about something we all know is important but can sometimes be tricky—communication in marriage. If we’ve learned anything from relationships, it’s that our spouse can’t read our mind. Yet, many of us tend to assume they should just know what we need or what’s bothering us. But let’s be honest—if we don’t speak up, how can they?

The Bible is clear on the importance of communication in marriage. In Ephesians 4:15, it says we should "speak the truth in love." This doesn’t mean we unload everything we’re feeling in a harsh way, but rather that we openly, honestly, and kindly communicate with one another. Marriage is meant to be a partnership, and like any team, it requires clear communication to thrive.

Sharing Your Wants and Needs

A lot of times, we feel frustrated or even resentful because our spouse isn’t meeting our needs. But here’s the real question: Have we told them what those needs are?

Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that "the tongue has the power of life and death." Our words can build up our marriage or tear it down. If we’re not expressing our desires, our wants, or our needs, we’re allowing distance to grow. Speaking up—kindly and clearly—is a way to protect and nurture your marriage.

Your spouse isn’t a mind reader. They won’t know what you want for dinner, how you feel about a certain issue, or even what kind of emotional support you need unless you tell them. And that’s not a bad thing! God designed marriage to be a place where we can be vulnerable with each other, sharing our hearts and working together to meet each other’s needs.

Addressing Conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, and it’s no different in marriage. But when we approach conflict with love and communication, it becomes an opportunity for growth rather than division.

Matthew 18:15 gives us some guidance here: "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you." This doesn’t just apply to our friends or fellow believers—it applies to our spouse too. Addressing conflict is crucial. When something is bothering you, don’t bury it and hope it’ll go away. Approach your spouse lovingly and talk through it. Conflict, when handled with grace, can lead to deeper understanding and intimacy.

God's Design for Communication

From the very beginning, God designed marriage to be a union where both husband and wife communicate openly and honestly. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Becoming one flesh isn’t just a physical bond—it’s emotional and spiritual too. We can’t be one if we’re not on the same page, and we can’t be on the same page if we’re not talking about what’s on our hearts and minds.

A Few Practical Tips

So how do we actually put this into practice?

1. Create a Safe Space – Make it a habit to check in with each other regularly. Whether it’s over a cup of coffee or during a walk, make sure you have time to talk about your day, your feelings, and any needs that have come up.

2. Be Honest, But Kind – It’s okay to express disappointment or frustration, but do so in a way that’s loving. “I feel” statements are a great way to share how something made you feel without sounding like you’re attacking your spouse.

3. Listen as Much as You Talk – Communication is a two-way street. Make sure you’re listening to your spouse just as much as you’re speaking. Sometimes, their needs are different than yours, and that’s okay.

4. Pray Together – God is the center of your marriage, so take time to pray together and for each other. Ask God to help you both communicate well and with love.

Final Thoughts

If we want our marriages to thrive, we need to make communication a priority. It’s not enough to assume our spouse knows what we need or want—they need to hear it from us. When we speak openly, with love and respect, we’re honoring the Biblical design for marriage and inviting God’s blessing into our relationship.

Marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts, but it requires effort, intentionality, and, yes, communication. So, let’s commit to speaking up, sharing our hearts, and building marriages that reflect God’s love.