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  • Writer's pictureTina Crawford

You've had pre-marital sex, what's next?

Updated: Feb 27

Disclaimer: This post was originally posted on my old blog MyPennedHeart

We are going to jump right into this one. A couple of days ago I posted a blog post titled Don’t Have Sex Yet…But Why? I left that post with the promise of another one, this one, about being redeemed if you have already given away your virginity outside of marriage.

First, I want you to know that you are Redeem-able

Our sins, no matter what they are, carry a consequence. The consequence is not always the same, nor is it the same for each person. Sometimes our consequence, is pain, guilt, shame, loss of friendship, sadness, hurt, physical pain, and so on. We have all sinned, we have all felt the consequences and we all know that they exist.

If you have asked Christ to be the Savior of your life then you have also felt his love and forgiveness. We know that God's mercies are new every morning and that they are never-ending.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV) The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Sexual sin is different

Sexual sin feels different to us because it affects not just our bodies but also our emotions, and spirituality. We know that sexual experiences are something shared with another person. When we make a choice to give that away we are also taking away an experience for ourselves and our future spouse. This is no secret, but in the moment it is so hard to think about what our actions mean for later.

So it's done. Your virginity was given away, you are no longer with that person and the shame is setting in or you are still with that person and feeling guilty. Now what? Have you ruined everything? The answer is no. John tells us that we can be forgiven when we know and confess what we have done that is against the Lord. Not only are we forgiven but we are cleansed.

1 John 1:8-10 (ESV) If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Does this mean that you will never think about your past again? No, of course not. It does, however, mean that you are given a chance to start again. To start fresh. God has the power to cleanse, heal and forgive.

You have a choice to stay pure from this point until marriage

So you have made mistakes. Now is the time to start fresh. Just because you were involved in sexual sin doesn't mean that you have to keep doing it in every relationship you have. You have an opportunity to decide that going forward you will be different. You have the choice to start staying pure now.

When you are in a new relationship with a son/daughter of Christ this will be something that the two of you need to talk about. What a great conversation you could have when you say something like this; I need you to know that I am not a virgin and I am sorry, but I have repented and asked that God forgive and cleanse me. I have been pure ever since (such and such time) while waiting for you and our wedding night. Please forgive me and see me as yours and only yours.

Our misconception

There seems to be a misconception within us. We as humans seem to think that God has the power to save us from Hell, but not from our own shame. This simply is not true.

Go and sin no more

Do you know the story of the woman caught in adultery? If not here is the short version. A woman is caught in the act of adultery, brought out of the house into the streets where the people are ready to stone her. Jesus says, "ok" let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone. He then starts writing in the sand, but we don't know what he was writing. One by one everyone backed away until only Jesus and the woman were left. He asked her where her accusers were. He asked if even one of them had condemned her. Her answer was no. He looked at her and said, "neither do I. Go and sin no more." (paraphrased from John 8:1-11)

Jesus gives us our worth

Do you see what just happened? I love this story because it is a real-life encounter of Jesus and a woman who made the choice of sexual sin. She is brought out to be humiliated! Not only does Jesus stop this from happening, but he also makes her accusers look at their own lives. When none of them can find perfection they walk away. Jesus could have stayed and talked to this woman about her choices, but he doesn't even do that. He not only saved her from death but he gave her back her worth in Him. Go and sin no more!

When you find yourself in a place of an old memory, or that guilt seeping back in, stop and pray. Ask God to remind you that you are made new in Him and that He has wiped your slate clean.

Old feelings aren't who we are

There will be times that you remember and are upset, but that feeling doesn't have to change or take over who you are. You are one of two things, you are either a son or a daughter of Christ. You are wholly forgiven and made new through Christ and His death and resurrection. Find peace in knowing that.

His love is greater than sin and shame

God's love has the power to cover a multitude of sins. His love is far greater than sin and shame. He knows your heat and doesn't want you living in shame for your past mistakes. He wants you to take your pain, hand it over to him, learn from that and then grow into a more beautiful godly person than you already were.

1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

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